The following parody was written about the Indianapolis Colts and their fan's reaction to their controversial "perfect season" ending loss in week 14 to the NY Jets. At the time, the parody was making light of their fans strongly objecting to Colt's Head Coach Jim Caldwell's, seemingly well reasoned strategy of resting his starters and essentially playing his JV for the second half of what essentially just a meaningless loss for the already playoff bound Colts.
However, since that shocking loss the second guessing and controversy has only grown....The argument being that the loss or rather "forfeit" broke the Colts' momentum and not only ruined their dream of a perfect season, but also seriously diminished their chances of eventually winning the championship. At the time, much of America thought that the Colts fans were behaving like histrionic lunatics.... hence the parody....Now after the Super Bowl loss.... I'm not so sure?
This is the parody....My apology is at the end:
Colts Lose Perfect Season: "Bizarre Fan Ritual Uncovered "
On December 27th, Indianapolis fans lost their dream of a perfect season as the Colts lost to the NY Jets 29-15. The Colts, who had already clinched a home field playoff birth rested many of their starters in the second half and the Jets, who were still desperately clinging to playoff hopes, pulled away for the relatively easy win.
However, The real news uncovered concerned the Colt's fans themselves. As Colt's Head Coach Jim Caldwell pulled out his starters in the second half of that " now infamous game", the Colts crowd at Lucas Oil Stadium began to act irrationally. A deafening cacophony of boos and wailing filled the stadium. One physician who was in attendance became quite concerned with the behavior of a couple of fans in neighboring seats: "They weren't right. They were shirtless, painted blue, stammering and fat," said Dr. Justin Case of the North South Western Institute of Head Injuries." "What's more, they were wearing football helmets that were much too tight."
Dr. Case immediately went in to action, "I checked vitals and pupil response and I found that these two individuals were obviously concussed. I immediately called for EMS. To my surprise, as I quickly glanced around the stadium there were literally hundreds of people in the same condition. With the help of EMS and numerous heroic volunteers, we just went section to section trying to help people....we ended up setting up an emergency triage area in the stadium basement." Eventually, Dr. Case and Stadium officials confirmed that 342 Colts fans had roughly the same bizarre symptoms. Dr. Case zeroed in on the "too tight" helmets as being the ultimate cause of the trouble.
Upon further investigation, it was found that all the injured fans actually belonged to a fringe/cult Colt's fan club called "The Stable of Peyton." Further, it was discovered that the week before the big game, one of their members had ordered cheap Colts replica football helmets for all of its members. But unfortunately, the helmets had been delivered in plain white and without the Colts trade mark blue insignia horseshoe prints. "Stable Club" Vice President, "J.J. Sabonis," hesitantly admitted to having this, in retrospect, very questionable idea: "I thought we could, as kind of a pregame-type ritual, stamp the helmets ourselves in a kind of ceremony outside the stadium." Further, to accomplish the helmet stamping, "Sabonis," actually hired a donkey and got a bucket of blue paint. "I wanted to rent a real horse or maybe even a pony, but they were all out."
By all accounts, before that "now mythic" game, these fanatical 342 actually lined up in the parking lot at Lucas Oil Stadium, put on their new helmets and got them stamped, one by one, as the rent a' donkey kicked them square in the head with paint dipped shoes. "Stable Club" President, "Namath Witheld," pensively added: "It really seemed like a good idea at the time, and anyway, how else were we supposed to get the horseshoe footprints on the helmets?"
Thankfully, by early the next morning, all of the 342 seemed to have recovered and were released. Dr. Case expressed optimism: " I doubt that there will be any long term negative effects, however we never really had an actual baseline of brain function to measure against....and remember they are Colt fans."
Colts Fans....The Parody was just having a little fun at your expense...Obviously you are very devoted and great fans to your team. Further...in retrospect. after the fact and with 20/20 hindsight..... I now think much of America owes you an apology....I do think you were right...The Colts should have played for the win in Week 14. Moreover, this may be a lesson for us all: "Always...Always Play For The Win!" Had the Colts just finished strong and taken that easy late season Jets win they may have indeed eventually joined the "Perfect" Dolphins of 72. Most importantly, Sunday more than likely would have ended far differently. Now the team unfortunately runs the substantial risk of joining the ranks of the NFL's historic "Should Have Beens." A designation the Colts really don't deserve....Especially Peyton Manning.
NY Times Colt's Approach Leaves Room For Second Guesses:
News Story Immediately After The Week 14 Loss Documenting Their Fan's Angry Reactions: